Sex and kitchens go together like sliced bread and moist dripping butter. Mmmmmm. Today, as we inch closer to 2,000 views on this blog, I want to give you a treat that should have been reserved for my book on Kalaloch Lodge. While sex and kitchens are a fantasy for many, a commercial kitchen is not the place for a romp. Yet, in my naive state I imagined that the world was a lot more sanitary than it really is.After working at Kalaloch, my eyes have been opened in ways that I never would have imagined. I have heard stories of sexcapades happening all over the kitchen and various storage rooms at the lodge, and I would imagine that this is a part of every lodge and many of the world's restaurants. It may not be something that the upper classes of society like to reflect on much as they eat their fish and chips or filet mignons, but those same people whose hands prepare such food are also preparing for something else.
We are highly sexual creatures. Humans love sex, there's no doubt about it. Sex happens everywhere, and Kalaloch Lodge oozed sexuality like nowhere else I've ever worked at. In fact, during my three years at Kalaloch Lodge I heard a lot of stories and saw a lot of sexual tensions rise and fall like the tides that took place just outside those big bay windows in the dining room. While the clean-cut customers sipped champagne and ate salmon oscars out front, the back was staffed by young people who were not just thinking about how to prep awesome sauce.
"We fu*ked in the dry storage room. The walk-in. In the soda room..." -V.
One employee who I was good friends with told me in explicit details her sexual escapades that took place at the Lodge. Sadly, I no longer have the exact text messages (I deleted everything we shared after we had a falling out). However, I heard many stories of what happened in her own words, and I feel that they are worth sharing here.
When I worked in law and in the realm of religion, I learned and believed that everything has a way of eventually coming out. Yes, many stories make themselves known in time. It's no secret that things happened. Like I said previously, in my naive state, I probably believed it was not so. After all, apart from at home, who has sex in a kitchen?!
The truth is, there is a thrill about having sex in places that are taboo. In a book I recently read "Paid For: My Journey Through Prostitution" by Rachel Moran, the author states that many were drawn to her when she was a child prostitute mainly because they got off on the taboo nature of it. Many want to engage in taboo sex merely because it's taboo. Humans are drawn to the forbidden. Things that are not supposed to be read or known are enticing. Dark secrets call us. Some take that to the absolute limits. I think kitchen sex falls in the middle somewhere. While nobody is getting hurt, it's not something that a diner likes to think about. Let me state this right now: I have never had sex at Kalaloch Lodge, and I maintain that these stories are not first-hand experiences.
V, as we shall call her, recounted an experience in which she had sex with a chef in the dry storage room. She stated that the thrill was something that drove her to do it. It was not something she was ashamed of at all. For many, such acts are thrilling and add "spice to life." I can't say I fully disagree with that. After all, I am only human.
Restaurant Stories From Around the Internet Tell the Same Story
For those who work in the back, restaurants be playgrounds of passion. One former server, who spent years in the industry, confessed, “I’ve had sex in every restaurant I’ve ever worked in. It started when I was 17.”
Late nights, closing shifts, and the adrenaline of the fast-paced environment create the perfect storm for secret encounters. “My boyfriend washed dishes, and when he was done and I finished vacuuming, we’d hit the lights and go at it, right there on the restaurant floor.” From kitchen counters to bar tops, no space was off-limits.
Another revelation: hierarchy plays a role. “In the office—MANY times—if I was seeing the owner or manager.” And it’s not just tucked-away rooms—some of the most unexpected locations included “on a pool table in front of the jukebox, the deck outside the kitchen, and even on picnic tables where people ate barbecue.”
For those who assume the occasional tipsy customer sneaking into a restroom is the extent of restaurant hookups, think again. “It happens a LOT.”
Reddit is full of such stories. A thread titled "What's the craziest thing you've seen in a restaurant kitchen?" led to dozens of responses, including:
"A line cook and a hostess going at it behind the walk-in, mid-shift."
"A manager had a literal roster of which servers he was sleeping with on which nights."
"The pastry chef got fired because she was using the dough mixer as an, um, personal pleasure device."
Yet another person states: "I've screwed the crew and got away with it. I've screwed the crew and lost my job. Once (I'm pretty sure) I even lost a job because I didn't screw the manager."
A few more:
We had a mgr who's lucky number was 14. He fu*ked waitresses on table 14, 4, 41 and 1. I am surprised he didn't fuck them twice on table 7.
head chef caught banging a line cook on security camera the night he got dumped… was drinking at the bar when I went in for prep the next morning (aka his day off). Staff drinks were promptly cut that night for good lol.
Reddit is full of such stories. While these can not be verified, I trust what V. told me. She was wild, and she was not the only person who alluded to sex in the workplace. While I will never return to Kalaloch (manager's choice, not mine), it's safe for me to spill the beans so to speak.
Sexual Issues Being Repressed and Hidden Leads to More Abuse
I think back to my family and my wife's family. Both are extremely conservative with sexual matters (even though my mother drew cartoons for Hustler magazine at home time I was told). I think that my wife and her sisters had to figure all this stuff out on their own. I once made the mistake of saying "nipple" in front of my mother-in-law and was scolded and told it was "not a word that Christians say." It's funny how such parents have children who become porn and sex addicts. Repressing sex doesn't help anyone.
I have posted previously how Kalaloch and other national park jobs tend to attract people who come from the fringes of society. Such people have a style of living that doesn't care about rules for the most part. The only rule is "don't get caught." The "here and now" is the playground for those who are breezing through life. And I can fully attest to the fact that sexual tensions ran high at Kalaloch. For example, one character told V. that she "oozed sexuality." A transgender friend of mine claims she was assaulted by a chef who wanted a blow job in his office. Another was a walking ball of horniness, searching Kalaloch for any woman who would have it. Rumor had it even walked into guest rooms in hopes of seeing them naked before being fired.
I don't know what Delaware North's (the parent company) policy on sexual harassment was. Like many companies, I imagine that they take it seriously to avoid legal repercussions. However, in the case of the walking ball of horniness, it took a long time for them to fire him. By that time, almost every woman at Kalaloch had complained about him, and some were afraid. Another friend of mine was assaulted by another male, but never made that known to management as far as I knew. Age boundaries were never off limits, as one very young server was often accosted by men far far older than her. To my disgust, this oftentimes took place right in front of me.
As stated before on my blog, the problem for the Lodge is the fact that it exists far away from any major city and the employment pool they have to draw from is rather small (which baffles me that they did not want me to come back). Kalaloch depends on hiring people from out of the area, which brings problems of its own. Many times Kalaloch has no clue who they are getting. When they find someone, oftentimes it could be a person who has a history or propensity to be a huge liability to Kalaloch. With that said, I must have done something truly horrible to not be invited back. One day I hope to find out exactly what it was.
Getting back to V and her time in the Lodge, she had no problems with sharing her story. She was eventually fired for another reason, and to protect her privacy, I won't share what that was. She claims that she was unfairly fired. Like me, she felt sore about how it all came to an end. Perhaps that drove her to tell her story.
Restaurants are often full of young people who are blossoming into their sexuality. Humans are driven by the need to reproduce. It feels good. It is a biological drive that few people can control. Those who repress it oftentimes have it come out in other ways. Sexual abuse to children is rife in churches for this reason. There has to be some outlet. Having sex on a food prep table may not be the correct outlet for it. Many people come from backgrounds of abuse and abuse brings its own problems. Those who are sexually abused in youth oftentimes become sex addicts and engage in risky sexual behavior.
Nowhere Is Safe From This Activity
A person reading this may say: "Ew, I won't ever go to Kalaloch Lodge for dinner again." Rather, you may not want to go to any restaurant ever again. I would not expect any restaurant to be safe from sexual activity in the back rooms and in the dining area after hours. In fact, there are thousands of stories online from brave souls who want to tell their own stories. Nor do I write this as a way to get revenge on the Lodge. I only write it as it is something that happens and I thought it would make an interesting post. Knowing what I know, I would still take my family to the Lodge to eat, as I would go to any restaurant. Do I think that the restaurants that I eat at here are free from sexual activity? At this point in life, no, not at all. It would be naive of me to think so! Having worked at the Lodge, I found it to be a clean restaurant (at least when I was there). It's health scores attest to that.
Yet behind every washcloth and bucket filled with sanitizer lies suds of seduction. I can't say that I never fantasized about making love in the dish pit. I can't say that I am immune to sexual desire. I can easily compartimentalize work and sexaulity. I feel that my fear of STDs as a young adult and my devotion to and satisfaction with my wife has helped me keep such urges in check. For those who are not as risk adverse or in monogamous relationships, sex is often just another conquest, a way to feel good. It is a drive. The hot kitchen, with its playful interaction between people of the opposite sex, and their small teasing glances, and the sight of customers dressed up seductive outfits can create a pit of desire that many can not easily escape.
How Managers Try to Cope With The Issue and Abuse Their Power
Many times, a manager may fire someone who is caught doing the nasty in the kitchen. There are cameras all over the place, but that is not a deterrent. Yet, I would argue that the managers have often also done the same things. They just were not caught in the act. Management figures are just people with their own desires and hidden pasts. Oftentimes, those in power are often the worst perpetrators. It is hard to find top tier talent. Executive chefs don't just grow on trees. Hiring and grooming an executive chef to fit in with the restaurant's culture takes time. Kalaloch had a huge huge problem with keeping chefs. Two went bonkers out there. Others could not deal with the corporate rules and the tight leash. Sex was often an outlet to that kind of stress.
Research suggests that men, particularly those in high-stress environments and leadership positions, often turn to sex as a coping mechanism. Stress and power dynamics can contribute to an increased drive for sexual release, sometimes manifesting in risk-taking behavior. A study by Lammers et al. (2011) found that individuals in positions of power exhibit higher levels of sexual impulsivity and entitlement, often seeking sex as a means of exerting control or relieving stress. Additionally, research by Stanton, Liening, and Schultheiss (2011) indicates that elevated cortisol and testosterone levels—both associated with stress and dominance—can heighten sexual desire and risk-taking behavior. Another study by Mark et al. (2018) highlights that men in high-pressure professions, such as politics and business (and of course restaurants), often engage in extramarital affairs and other forms of sexual escapism as a way to cope with occupational stress. These findings suggest that sexual behavior, for some men in leadership roles, can serve as both a physiological and psychological outlet for stress relief.
Men of power take advantage of that power. That is why it was easy to believe my transgender friend when she said that she had been accosted by the chef who visibly disliked her on the line. She was a source of his stress and paradoxically a possible remedy at the same time.
The Effect on Marginalized People
Such marginalized people (transgenders, those from broken homes, minorities, etc.) often find themselves trapped in a web of abuse in seasonal work, where exploitation thrives due to job instability, lack of legal protections, and employer control over housing and wages. Many face discrimination that limits their employment options, pushing them into precarious jobs with little oversight. Studies have shown that migrant and seasonal workers, particularly those from marginalized backgrounds, are at heightened risk of wage theft, sexual harassment, and physical abuse (Fussell, 2011). Furthermore, fear of retaliation or deportation prevents many from reporting mistreatment, deepening the cycle of exploitation (Bernhardt et al., 2009). Without structural reforms and access to social support, these individuals remain vulnerable to predatory labor conditions that perpetuate their marginalization.
Do I believe V? Of course I do! No questions asked. I believe that she used every part of the kitchen to live out her fantasy. I also think that her experience is just a little tiny dot in the human experience of having sex in restaurants all around the world. Learning second-hand of her experiences allowed me to think about the nexus of sexuality, abuse, and restaurants in far more detail.
As I saw Kalaloch as a type of family (in which I was cast out of), it would have been very hard for me to have had sex with anyone there, even if I was single. That was one thing that the management was safe from. Rather, now they get to wrestle with this issue in perpetuity. And whatever it was that I did still remains a mystery. This blog will continue to push the envelope in what I post. I have much more to reveal and I am excited to do so!
You may also like: Dishwasher "Feather" at Kalaloch Lodge: The Dishwashing Prodigy
