What To Do When a Parent Tries to Hurt You?

Warning: Contains Upsetting Imagery

Over the last few years, I have been piecing together a puzzle that has long haunted me. It's often said that not everyone should have children, but many do. Children are truly a wonderful gift for those who want them. However, when someone doesn’t want a child, they can wreak havoc on that child’s self-worth.

Unfortunately for me—but perhaps fortunate for you, as you get to read this—I had a mother who thought it might be in her best interest to erase me from existence (although I didn't know this at the time). Here is my story:

My Mother's Possible Attempted Filicide

I was sitting in the bath, alone. I must have been around four or five years old since I hadn't started kindergarten yet. My mother was outside the bath, blow-drying her hair. My sister had just been born, but I don't know where she was; perhaps she was sleeping. All of a sudden, the blow dryer flew from my mother's hands toward the tub. My mother caught it at the last second and seemed very upset by the whole ordeal.

I Was Disowned By My Mother For An Inconsequential Reason

Many years later, we had a falling out. She disowned me for going hiking in the Northwest and told me our relationship was over. This wasn't the first time she'd said something like that, but I took her at her word this time and decided to stop speaking to her. I imagine she regrets that day to some extent, but since she has never made any effort to rekindle the relationship, I suspect she got what she wanted.

However, a couple of years ago, she was caught using a fake account to spy on my Facebook page. I recognized it was her because she followed some groups from Spokane, and her writing style was unmistakable. When I confronted her, she admitted it. She then snapped that she had a right to see photos of her granddaughter.

Afterward, she told me the following:

"When you were a baby, your grandparents doted on you. They were obsessed with you. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't love you the way you deserved because of that. I decided it would be best to save my love for my next child."

I had long wondered why I never felt love from my mother and why she seemed to favor my younger sisters. I never held it against my sisters, but this revelation made everything make sense. My mother admitted that she couldn't connect with me as a baby.

While doing some free writing, the blow dryer incident came back to me. I had written a story about it once, and my mother became incredibly upset and lashed out. I don't know if she realized I remembered the incident, but it was clear she didn’t want me to.

Looking back now, I wonder—was it purposeful? The blow dryer incident happened right after my sister's birth. The way the blow dryer "flew" seems unlikely to have been an accident. I think she had a change of heart at the last second, perhaps because she couldn't face the consequences of being found guilty of murder. As far as I know, no one else, including my father, ever heard about this. It remained a dark family secret.

Given the evidence, I believe my mother may have tried to kill me as a child.

We hear about cases like this and think such events could never happen in our own families, yet they do. Often, they involve seemingly ordinary people. Someone once told me I was unlikely to be electrocuted by the hair dryer, but I never looked into it. What matters most is the intent. Was there an intent to kill? It seems possible.

This experience affirmed my decision to distance myself from my family, a choice that has had a positive impact on my life.

An Earlier Case With Attempted Drowning?

Curiously, there was another case involving water that my mother always enjoyed recounting. When I was a baby, she said that she had heard that children could "float" or "swim" on their own. At a public swimming pool, she "threw me into the air" and I hit the water to the horror of the onlookers around her. For some reason, she has always laughed at this story, but the hairdryer story has been somewhat of a family secret. Either way, it is interesting how water was involved in both of these cases. I truly was the Aquason. 

I sometimes like to joke that I am also "the boy who lived." 

Blamed For Grandparent's Devotion

I also found it strange that my mother blamed me for being the first grandchild whom her parents doted on. That was beyond my control. Sadly, a failure to form secure attachments between parents and children is common and can lead to lifelong struggles.

When a child doesn't develop a secure bond with their parents, it can cause difficulties trusting others, managing emotions, forming healthy relationships, and maintaining self-confidence. It may also lead to anxiety and behavioral issues, impacting social interactions, intimacy, and overall well-being. This condition is sometimes described as an "attachment disorder."

Fortunately, there are ways to heal from these wounds, including therapy, building trusting relationships, understanding that it wasn't your fault, engaging in inner healing practices, reframing childhood experiences, and finding healing through positive experiences.

It is never a child’s fault if a parent cannot love them or tries to harm them. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent, and not everyone operates from a place of complete sanity. Sadly, those who act thoughtlessly often cause immense harm to others.

Feel free to share your thoughts and your own stories in the comments. I would love to read them!