Life is full of mysteries. For example, are there aliens? What goes on at Roswell? Does the Loch Ness Monster exist? Are ghosts real? (And speaking of ghosts, is Kalaloch Lodge haunted, as some of the employees say?) And speaking of Kalaloch Lodge, the question in my mind remains to this day: Why did I fall out of favor at one of the Olympic Coast's premier lodges? I don't think I am ever going to find out.
Kalaloch Lodge, in the words of Vanessa S., is a "magical place." But as she (and later I) found out, magic has a way of vanishing. For the many guests who arrive each summer, Kalaloch Lodge is a peaceful retreat nestled on the (eroding) cliffs overlooking the mighty Pacific Ocean. Unlike the employees of Kalaloch Lodge, the ocean claims no favorites. It treats all the same—devouring and destroying one day while providing a beautiful backdrop for those sunsets the lodge is so famous for.
The Tree of Life Has Fallen! The Tree of Life Has Fallen!
And then there is the Tree of Life, which fell shortly after I left. I found this rather karmic. For who-knows-how-long, this tree defied all logic, suspended as if on air. It was a testament to the fortitude one must have to survive in this harsh environment. Yet, the weather is not the only harsh thing about this place. I found the cliques and lack of acceptance toward outsiders to be harsher than any winter storm that slammed into this part of the world. Ironically, the Tree of Life fell shortly after I left my employment in my final year.
I have asked many times, but nobody has ever been able to formulate an answer to my questions. And I think I must admit that I will never know why I so quickly and rapidly fell out of favor at the lodge during my third season. Was it because I lived there and they saw too much of me? I have always strongly believed in the biblical proverb: "Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor's house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you." I believed it everywhere I lived. I believed it with family. I believed it with friends. I believed it in Queets. And I believed it at Kalaloch. And truly, it happened—and rather quickly, too.
Perhaps it was the fact that I worked too much. Maybe I tried too hard. Granted, I was there to earn as much money as possible. My family comes before anything else, and I was there to support my family. Strange how that backfires. Yet, I also know that employees tend to resent those who "grandstand" them. Maybe I did this. But no answer has been given. Like Roswell, it's a mystery that only some know of. Those people are tight-lipped.
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| I made my family a banana carrot walnut bread today |
Distancing One's Self From Insanity
We are in challenging times. Kalaloch continues to lose cabins to the sea. One day, the ocean will decide it has had enough of this place and swallow it whole. The area is overdue for a massive earthquake and tsunami. The words of "Ænema" by Tool come to mind:
Learn to swim, learn to swim
Learn to swim, learn to swim
Learn to swim, learn to swim
Learn to swim, learn to swim
'Cause I'm praying for rain
I'm praying for tidal waves
I wanna see the ground give way
I wanna watch it all go down
Mom, please flush it all away
I wanna see it go right in and down
I wanna watch it go right in
Watch you flush it all away
But it could be something else, you know? Maybe I just appeared too crazy. Maybe I passed that threshold of sanity that Kalaloch would accept. Maybe I just went a little too far. Maybe they grew a bit afraid of me. Maybe I said something that didn't sit right. I found that when I added many of my coworkers back on Facebook, none of the management accepted my requests. Maybe they were told in some meeting to distance themselves from me. I think this is likely the case. Research on workplace ostracism suggests that social exclusion often occurs due to unspoken norms and internal group dynamics, with management sometimes enforcing distancing behaviors against those perceived as "different" (Ferris et al., 2008). I think I am now numbered among the outcasts.
Dominic
Sophie
Vanessa
The-guy-who-threw-dishes
Chef Phil
Moi
How did this happen? Introspection is needed. Gross and total introspection must take place. Everything comes back to the person asking the questions. No matter what happened, there was a line, and I crossed it. I will never know why people started to distance themselves from me. I can only surmise various reasons. I can glean why I am not hirable at the lodge. I can glean why management wants to take me to the back room, hang me up, and beat me with a cat-o'-nine-tails if I ever show up on the property. Some would like that. I would not.
Dominic, Sophie, Vanessa, The-guy-who-threw-dishes, Chef Phil (who they had their phil of), and moi.
What company I am in. What a wild ride it has been.
Three years (and a few extra months of turmoil).
The end of an age. A truly beautiful cage.
Sometimes you have to go on without answers...
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