For me, this blog is a hobby first and foremost. It's a way for me to heal. If someone else comes here and finds healing through my words, that's great. I love the fact that I can openly share aspects of my life with the world but also just get them out. For me, this is a type of "Shadow Journal" that allows me to express my deepest thoughts without looking over my shoulder.
A Friend In Trouble
Today, I want to talk about an event that happened at Kalaloch Lodge last summer. I worked at this lodge in Olympic National Park over the last three years, but it was the last year that really altered my perception of people and myself. I had a good friend there who broke up with her fiancé, and it was incredibly sad to me. She called me from across the country and was terrified of traveling alone. I can't say I blame her. It was her first time across the United States, and she had expected to be with her fiancé when she returned.
She was flying back to Seattle and had nobody to meet her. I didn't know what else to do. I mean, if you have a friend who needs help, don't you go and help them? And I knew nobody else was going to stand up and do it. At the last minute before the bus to Forks passed by, I grabbed my things and ran to meet it. It took an entire day to get to Seattle through the Olympic Peninsula, passing through Port Angeles and Sequim and then taking the ferry from Winslow to Seattle. I then took the light rail to the airport to meet her.
Taking Advantage of Vulnerable People
Now, here's where things get interesting to me. I had told my supervisors right when I left that I was going to meet her. I didn't really ask for the time off—I just went. They were happy I did, but I wondered deeply at that time if they had thought of something more sinister.
You see, I had mentioned in previous posts that I felt Kalaloch was a very sexually charged place. I am a sexual being myself, but I am married, and I get everything I could ever want from my wife. I know that sounds naïve perhaps, but it is true. When I went to get my friend, I could not help but wonder if people at Kalaloch thought I was going to take advantage of her in her weakened state.
I would probably not even write about this if it weren’t an interesting experience from my summer—and this blog is about the psychology of family. The thing with "family" is simple—if I think of you as a close friend or family member, there's no way I could be attracted to you in such a way. Add to that the age difference we had. Yet, I don't think that would have fazed many of my coworkers. I know there were many who would jump on the chance to have sex with a young woman who was in such a vulnerable state.
We All Fight Addictions In Life
Now, I don’t write this to toot my own horn. We all have addictions in our lives. I believe everyone has some external and internal battle they face. Research shows that individuals often develop addictive behaviors as coping mechanisms for stress, trauma, or emotional distress (Sinha, 2008). I mentioned before that alcoholism was huge at Kalaloch. I had no interest. It didn’t make me any better—just different. The same with drug use. Drugs were huge at Kalaloch. I had no interest in that either. I fear the effects of drugs and alcohol on my body. I also have no taste for either. I think that I would be an absolutely perfect candidate for serious drug and alcohol addiction. I have battled depression most of my life. I love escapism. Yet, the problem is that I am too frugal to even think of beginning something that would end up costing me a lot, and that keeps me away. But I completely admit that I would definitely become addicted to drugs or alcohol in serious ways if I ever started.
I also feel that I could quickly become a sex addict if I let myself. I won’t go that route. Why step into a place that will destroy me? I have enough. I would say that writing is my main addiction right now. You may say it’s healthy. Perhaps it is. Perhaps it’s not. In some ways, it’s cathartic. In others, it may keep me depressed. Who knows? Journaling, particularly expressive writing, has been found to have both therapeutic and distressing effects, depending on the writer’s psychological state and the way the emotions are processed (Pennebaker & Smyth, 2016).
The $17 an Hour (plus tips) Question:
What I wonder is simple: Did Kalaloch’s illustrious management think that I took advantage of a young woman? Did they imagine that in my haste, I was thinking nefarious thoughts? I shudder at the idea, but I can’t say I would have thought any differently. I have read many books lately about men who take advantage of women at every turn. It’s a world that I was shielded from. And I shudder when I see it. I truly was naïve in many ways. I don’t know how I missed this. I mean, I’ve lived in some pretty crazy places and have surrounded myself with people who were often quite dangerous. How I escaped this side of life is beyond me.
I don’t know why Kalaloch grew distant with me. I wonder if this was a part of it. It’s easy to come up with reasons when people won’t actually answer your questions. All I know is that there was some event that took place that caused the management to distance themselves from me. I’d say it was somewhere in the middle of my third season. I just noticed something change. It is troublesome to think about how, as if for no reason at all, people can go from warm to cold. There is a lesson in this: Do not get too attached to others. Work is not a home. Work, like family, can become toxic quickly. Places that are loaded with trauma, pain, suffering, and all kinds of ills are impossible to integrate for the long term. It was truly amazing that I lasted for three years.
References:
Pennebaker, J. W., & Smyth, J. M. (2016). Opening up by writing it down: How expressive writing improves health and eases emotional pain. Guilford Publications.
Sinha, R. (2008). Chronic stress, drug use, and vulnerability to addiction. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 1141(1), 105-130.
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