I saw this quote that said:
“The older I get, the more I appreciate being out of the loop. Don’t fill me in — I don’t want to know anything about anyone!”
Family drama is depressing and draining. It creates lethargy in many of us. When we could be out living our best lives, suddenly all is upended by someone who can’t stand to see you enjoying life. Everything comes to a screeching halt, and we are left scratching our heads, wondering what the heck went wrong.
What did we do to deserve this treatment? What did we do to become a target in the crosshairs of a family war? I have often found that most of the attacks I received from family came about when I was minding my own business. Some people hate that. It’s so strange. I always wanted to ask: “Why don’t you just enjoy your own life and let me enjoy mine?” But for many, that’s not possible.
The same thing is true of gossip. There’s no need to be told what people think of us or how they judge what we are doing. This does not bring peace. This does not make life better. In fact, many of us (like myself) work hard to escape these things. To be told what family thinks of us or how we have upset someone else is exactly why I don’t live anywhere near family. We left that world for a reason, and we don’t appreciate being thrust back into it.
There is a reason that people grow distant. Distance often brings a new kind of peace that one never had when they were close. I don’t want to be kept in the loop. I don’t want to know what’s going on with anyone else except the person I’m talking to. If someone doesn’t like me… if someone has a problem with me… if someone isn’t brave enough to tell me themselves, please don’t let me in on it. It’s family drama, and it has no place in my life.
When someone says they want to be distant, it is good for others to respect that. If they can’t respect your distance, they will never respect your presence. That goes for people who spy on and watch your social media profiles. I am glad to say that the season of family spying on my profile has ended. After enough time, people come to terms with reality. Perhaps every once in a while, people get curious (it’s human nature to wonder), but once a peek or two takes place, all of a sudden it becomes addictive, like a drug.
There is a post that goes around social media often that says, “Nobody watches you as closely as your haters.” This often appears to be all too true. It is psychologically healthier to let go of people you don’t get along with. The more you look, the more insatiable it becomes to keep checking in. Watching people we hate can become a drug, so be careful. Respect people’s boundaries. If they don’t want you in their life, let them be. That goes for family, too.
Do not pressure people to let you back in once the doors are closed. If they want you back in, they will come to you. Respect people’s boundaries. Practice kindness and focus on your own life. You have a lot going on without having to add to it. If you don’t like a person, don’t add fuel to that fire. It’s not worth it.
Those who create fake profiles on social media to spy on those who have walked away only hurt themselves in the end. What does one expect? All roses and sunshine? You won’t make yourself feel better by seeing someone living their life without you in it. You are only creating feelings of anger, sadness, regret, resentment, and animosity.
In such relationships, there is not always a good guy and bad guy. Some families and people just can’t get along. Different personalities and backgrounds are at odds with each other. There are many people in both my family and my spouse’s family who don’t get along at all with me. As long as I’ve been alive and seen the patterns, I see that it is often hopeless. I choose peace over endless drama. In many families, it is endless drama, and it’s debilitating and exhausting.
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