It's Truly Time to Let Go Of Aspects of the Past

Today I was reading a book on psychology and it talked about holding grudges. I thought about if my feelings towards Kalaloch amounted to a grudge (and they may have). I also reflected deeply on this matter as I went out on a walk with my wife and daughter. I have decided that my life is to take a big turn and that to focus on this aspect of my life is non-essential at this point. I think that I have said enough, perhaps beaten a dead horse even. 

The truth is, I have distanced myself in many ways from that place. It was one reason I have left various social media sites. I have blocked many from my life that I once worked with. I have been outspoken in the fact that I saw it a place I could never fit in to. And now it's time to let go and breathe. It's time to let go and move on.

It's hard to move on. It's a courageous thing to move on. 

When I made this blog, it was to be about family abuse and trauma. I have a million things I could write about with my own family. But now I also want to forget them forever. Truthfully, I no longer want to pretend they exist or to stoke those flames any more. I have held on when I should have let go. They let go of me, and now it's my turn. 

I release Cindy Kathleen Coonse-Phal, my mother. May her memory no longer find any place in my mind.
I release my two sisters. May I forget them and they live a happy life. 
I release my father. He was an innocent but he failed to stop the rising tide. I release him.

I release my cousins, aunts, uncles, and the residue of that family. May they go on and find happiness. They deserve it. 

I release the Lodge. May it thrive until the ground gives way and it falls into the sea. The land will one day reclaim it, and it shall be forgotten except for a plaque on the side of the road and stories that rangers tell about a "lodge that long ago sat in this area that nature took back."

I release the memory of all the people who I thought were my friends but who were just phantoms of my imagination. Life takes many turns. Sometimes what was once seen as good becomes ugly. What a lesson this has been.

I shall now focus on my future. Finding work, and rebuilding my reputation with those who I do love in the here and now. 

If anything, it was the feeling of worthlessness that brought me such sadness. Just because some can not see your worth does not mean that you are worth nothing.