Why I Have Become Distant With Friends And Left Social Media

Many may wonder why I have become distant as of late. For example, I have left social media almost completely. I am no longer on Facebook, and I have not spoken to many of the people I once talked to. In fact, I would say that 99% of my communication is with my immediate family (my wife and daughter).

I saw this quote that said, "When a woman feels depressed, she calls upon her friends and goes out. When a man feels depressed, he isolates." There is truth to this. I isolate when depressed. Some may be annoyed by that, but it only causes me to isolate more.

I have my reasons for isolating, and perhaps it would be good to share them here. They go back to my last trip to Spokane. That was a truly depressing time for me, and one of the issues was not feeling that I could freely talk to many of the people I used to speak to. I was chastised by one in-law for my relationship with my father-in-law, and I wanted to say something but could not. I did not want to fight with this person again, but the other side of the coin was isolating. It damaged our relationship—there is no doubt about that. When a person can't be open and honest with someone, or even feels that they can't, I have little desire to be friends with them. I have left many friendships for this reason.

Recently, another sister-in-law contacted me about my leaving Facebook. She thought I had unfriended her. The truth is, everyone was included except for my wife. I feel zero desire to be on a website where people just watch you without interacting with you. For years, I would post about my life and feel ignored by the majority of people on there. I know that is the nature of social media, but perhaps that is why it is depressing for most. You imagine that many care for you or about you, but they don't. Of course, they are not always to blame. Facebook and other social media sites "curate" posts, and much is never seen.

I am reminded of a woman I spoke to who had hurt herself and almost died. She posted about it and claimed that nobody replied. Another one of her friends had posted a picture of a half-eaten hamburger, and many of her mutual friends engaged with that post. She left because she felt her life was less important to her friends than a half-eaten burger. I don't blame her. I understand that feeling. Later on, she mustered the courage to confront her friends about this, and they said they had never seen her post nor did they know she was hurt or sick. Facebook had never shown them the post.

I look back at family and the years we have grown, fought, and interacted. On my last trip back to Spokane, I felt the most intense depression over all of it. Part of it was the death of my father-in-law, but there was more than that. There was a "death" that permeated everything. And it didn't just happen then. No, it happened many years ago and was ongoing. Life has been rough for our families—divorce, other deaths, religious fights, adversity, poverty, sickness. My father-in-law's death was just the next nail in the coffin. One gets so tired in life that they stop trying, and I felt that this was the case in a sense. I wonder—what can one do to bounce back from that? It begins with the individual and a desire to. How many years are spent wallowing in depression before you realize that you are spending what are your youngest years letting the world pass you by?

It is hard not to be distant when going back is depressing and opens up thoughts and feelings. I remember leaving Spokane and feeling such a breath of fresh air. I generally do. It's rare that I wish I could stay. I am always reminded why we decided to leave. There are too many dark memories there. Most of the adversity of my life has centered around that place. It has been the only place where I have truly let myself be present with family, and every time, I was burned for it. It was where comments that I should have shut down immediately were said. It is where all the drama in my life, even today, is centered.

So yes, I am distant, and that distance is my choice and nobody else's.