Chaos And Its Impact On Life

Life. It comes and goes. A person spends much time doing what they can to better it, but you never really know what will happen. You could "make it" one day and end up becoming deathly ill the next. You could lose everything in the blink of an eye—family, friends, relationships, love, peace, joy. These are the things that matter in life, not trying to "make it in the world" or striving to stand out.

There will be times of pain and times of famine for most of us. We may work hard at our jobs and give everything in one season, only to be denied and told the next—sometimes for no apparent reason—that we are no longer wanted. We can't control how others view us, nor should we try. Reputation rises and falls like the tide. You are never always perfect. Given enough time, people will find fault with you. This is the ebb and flow of life.

Friendships come. Friendships go. Jobs come. Jobs go. Careers grow and crumble. One day you are loved, talked about, and admired, and the next, you are discarded. You go from hero to enemy in no time. Never get too comfortable. Never depend on what you have in the present. The present will trick you. You will grow complacent and expect things to continue forever. They don’t. They won’t. Everything changes. People often resist change—perhaps because they fear it (Smith, 2020).

I look back on the past year. I had a lot—more than I gave credit for. I wasn’t thankful enough, perhaps. I had a good job, good money, and good opportunities. Somewhere along the way, I lost it. I don’t know exactly what caused that. Sometimes our descent into despair is sudden. Often, it’s a mystery where the inflection point was. What went wrong? Where did it go wrong? What caused those who once loved me to turn on me? What was the event? What did I say? What did I do?

I could spend time asking such questions. I could lament over it and beat myself up. But instead, I will just ask. I will reach out and find out what it was. And I won’t quit easily. I will learn so I can grow. And I will grow so I can be a better person for my own family.

It is easy to create a version of ourselves in our minds. It is easy to change our beliefs. But it’s not easy to ask the questions that may challenge the things we believe. I am terrified in some ways to learn the truth about myself. We all live in some kind of fantasy. We all see ourselves differently than how others see us. Our personal reality is often different from our public reality (Markus & Kitayama, 2010). Somewhere along the line, I created this image that others don’t like me. I convinced myself that people grow tired of me. But I don’t know if it’s true or not.

Maybe it’s something that goes way back to childhood. It was far too easy to upset my mother. I never knew when she would fly off the handle. We kids lived in fear—fear, uncertainty, and never knowing when old Krakatoa would blow. One minute she’d laugh, and the next, we were picking out a switch to get our butts beaten with. There was no rhyme or reason for it. It all depended on her mood. And as a result, we grew up in a culture of fear. Research suggests that unpredictable parenting can contribute to anxiety and emotional instability in adulthood (Luecken & Lemery, 2004).

I don’t want to live in a world where people randomly change their minds about how they view others. I had a friend from my last job who was amazing. But she had her demons. And like my mother, she would go back and forth. In my fantasy mind, I would love to be her friend again. But in reality, I know it can’t be. I don’t want to be around people like that.

Life is hard enough without all the randomness thrown in. It would be nice if a person could expect stability. Yet, life is not at all stable. In fact, it’s a mess most of the time. But that’s why it is so important to surround yourself with stable people—and that includes those who are mentally stable. If you work in unstable jobs, spend time in unstable places, and surround yourself with unstable people, you will become the same way. You will lose yourself.

Sources:

Luecken, L. J., & Lemery, K. S. (2004). Early caregiving and physiological stress responses. Clinical Psychology Review, 24(2), 171-191. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2004.01.003

Markus, H. R., & Kitayama, S. (2010). Cultures and selves: A cycle of mutual constitution. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 5(4), 420-430. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691610375557

Smith, S. M. (2020). The psychology of change: Understanding resistance and adaptation. Journal of Applied Psychology, 105(3), 223-236. https://doi.org/10.1037/apl0000441